I had a very weird conversation with my sister lately. It was something like a “deep” thought about life in general turns to questions like a game or a quiz; so it didn’t sound that deep. We were asking ourselves what if we didn’t follow our plans, I mean by that our real and serious plans, that is to say studying for a long time, and then getting a job like teacher or journalist, anyway something related to writing for me you know. After that I would save money so I could buy myself an apartment in Paris, a very small one I guess because I won’t have a lot of money and then a car, a black Smart because it’s handy when you live in this town and you don’t have any children. Or maybe I would always be broke, so I would have a rotten apartment in a rotten street in a rotten town of the rotten suburbs; that situation could also be. Anyway, in every case I’d have a job, a home, maybe a cat, a boss, a fridge with fish, tomatoes and yoghurt in it, graduations maybe, bills every month, and vacations at the mountain if I’m lucky –I hate sea and sun. So, I would say I’m happy and I would be proud of what I have and what I do because all of this means that I succeed in my life. What can we ask more? And then, we were asking what if we didn’t do that? What if we gave everything up, just take a car, get out of this town and live on the road with our hippie friends under the burning sun of California singing Janis Joplin’s songs all day long? Huh, sorry I’m getting a bit far, just kidding. But that’s the idea. Think about it, it’s not impossible. Take a car. Take some good, true and faithful friends. Take some clothes, a guitar (of couuuurse), some books, a pen, some paper, a little bit of money. And drive. You’d stop in some town when you need money and work for a while in there to get water, food and other stuffs; and when it’s done, you jump in the car and let the speed take you off the ground. Wouldn’t it be nice? Or you can also be going nowheeeere all aloooone on the road at fuuuull speeeeeed… Yep, things would be so much better if we could turn life into a We The Kings’s or Jack’s Mannequin’s song. If only we could just say “fuck” to everything and run away –and never look back of course. Spend our life away from “them”, have an artistic life, live everyday like it was the last one, be aware everyday of the chance we have to be with the ones we love, don’t worry about superficial stuffs, only think about what you’re going to do in the five next minutes, feel every breath we take, and flee, flee, flee. I don’t know if you understand what I mean. It is not necessarily a question of road or of money. The point is that this is one life’s dream and the question is: do we have to use it? Or do we have to keep it only like a dream? I really don’t know. I do know that you don’t know anything about life when you’re a child, but it doesn’t mean that you are stupid though; I’m only sixteen and I know the end of the story. But that’s ridiculous… I’m writing that now, but in a couple of years I’ll probably be at university having a hard time because I’ll be trying to keep my head above so I don’t sink in the ocean of work. And a couple of years later, I’ll have everything I said before: the fridge, the cat, the job… I’m like everyone and I’ll finish like everyone and everything is going to be alright because that’s how the life is meant to be. Why? That’s only because we don’t have any courage to mess everything up, we all need security just in case, we need money. That’s also because we c-a-n-t do that to all the people who trusted in us this years long, who paid for us to study, who wanted us to succeed in the way of their meaning of success. That’s also because we can so hardly leave these people that we usually love so much. We can’t do that even if someone comes and says “if you jump I will jump to, we will fall together from the building’s ledge”, or “forget yesterday, we’ll make the great escape, they don’t know us anyway”… Or maybe we can? Anyway I know some people of this world took their chance and lived their dream. I know I won’t do the same. It’s not so simple to figure out what our life could be and will never be –it makes me gloomy. This world doesn’t live enough. Wow, it’s about 2:33 am now so I should go bed and stop writing useless and silly stuffs. Sorry for that entry. Good night.
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